In the beginning

Every now an then, we are blessed with the presence of someone, or in this case, something, for a reason. Sometimes these people (things) provide us with an avenue to reflect on things in the past. Sometimes, things in the present of which we may not yet understand the meaning of why or how. Sometimes things that make us put things into perspective so that we may have the knowledge by which to learn something in the future.

This is the story of a brassiere that helped me see all three.

A: “J, I am planning on getting tickets again this year to the Osiris Ball, you wanna go?”
J: “Are you kidding? I have always wanted to go to this Ball! I know getting an invitation to this Ball is hard to come by. How have you managed to get your hands on tickets?”
A: “You know, you have a bad habit of asking way too many questions. I know people. Let’s just leave it that.”
J: “Fair enough. I am in.”

Now if you are a common-run-of-the-mill woman such as myself, you must understand that going to this particular Mardi Gras ball is not like going to just any Ball. It is the fairest Ball of them all where the terms “Putting on the Dog” and “Dressing to the Nines” are used with validity. So this Plain Jane, knowing she would have to pull out all of the stops, had better start preparing right away.

I had options. I could do something fabulous with my hair. Because it’s our hair that acts as the bow on the gift we give to the world in the form of our person. It’s the icing on the cake. The exclamation point of who we are. (I am a sucker for a great haircut, as I have been known to accost women all over town to ask “Girl, who does your hair?”) Or my make-up. For it is the Osiris Ball where glamour is personified. I mean, when someone says Osiris Ball to me, the first thing I think of is false eyelashes. I am thinking smokey, glitter, cat eyes. Meeeeow!

My gown. (Note I didn’t say, ‘dress’. People do not wear dresses to the Osiris Ball. They wear gowns. You can’t don false eyelashes while wearing a dress. You wear false eyelashes while wearing a GOWN. It’s just the way it is.) When I think gown, I think long. I think flowing. I think uncomfortable. Three terms that are not synonymous with the Plain Jane or common-run-of-the-mill. Not to mention the fact that people that find themselves in gowns aren’t typically consuming large quantities of beer like intended. Thus making my statement with my gown was not an option.

Transportation. I thought I could rent a limousine and arrive in style. But when I learned for the bargain price of $10, you could have a limo take you from the famous Veet’s downtown bar to the civic center, all thoughts of luxury were erased. How luxurious can you be when limos are being pimped out like taxi cabs?

So it was decided I would make my statement with my date. My arm candy. My companion for the evening. The person (or thing) I would find confidence in introducing to others. But who could possibly fit the bill? Sure, there are mass quantities of fine people in the greater Mobile area that would be perfect but who has time to screen them all? So where do we all turn when we need answers to questions quickly: Google. I entered: “In search of arm candy that can dance the tango, hold not only their alcohol and my attention, but has the ability to read my mind and meet my ever demanding needs, while stimulating me with intellectual and witty conversation.” It was no surprise that my search returned only a small handful of results. Mostly from female bloggers that are pissed off at the world for not being able to find such a specimen. (It was at that moment that I no longer feared becoming the cat woman. For it’s the cat woman that had standards that she could not bring herself to compromise.)

There was, however, one morsel of hope that came from this request to the great void and that morsel came in the form of Olga the Traveling Bra. We’ll call her Olga for short. You see, Olga is quite the world traveler. Versed in all that is proper, yet humble enough to be the perfect companion to the Ball of a common run of the mill gal such as myself.

The original request went like this:

Oh Olga, can't you help us?

Seven Cinderellas and one Prince Charming are in search of the perfect date for the Mardi Gras ball of the year. We know what you must be thinking, "If these ladies are so lovely, why can't they find dates?" Well, you see, we don't want traditional dates because this isn't a traditional Mardi Gras ball. This is the Osiris Ball in Mobile, Alabama. "OK, big deal, what does that mean?" The Osiris organization is the only Mardi Gras society in Mobile where all the members are gay or lesbians. It is invitation only and these seven lovely ladies and this one prince charming all hold invitations! We are thrilled!! But with this invitation comes the responsibility of arriving in style. We've decided the only way to do so is with Olga on our arm.

The Osiris Ball is February 6th. We know you've been to Mobile for Bayfest, so won't you please join us for the gayest Mardi Gras Ball of the year?

Emails were exchanged along with promises of a good time, celebrity status as the Belle of the Ball, as well as proper documentation of the event via MySpace and finally the certain possibility of inspiration to create a blog dedicated to the whole visit. One should understand that a traveling bra probably wouldn’t agree to take a trip without proper documentation. It’s who she is and what she does so her journeys have to be shared with the world. And when I say world, I mean world. People from all over this great planet login daily to see what Olga the Traveling Bra is up to now. There is a little bit of Olga in all of us. The desire to go new places and learn new things. I know for this girl, life gets in the way of the ability to drop everything and see the world, therefore I live vicariously through Olga.

So we received word in the middle of January that she would love to join us. She knew she would have to cut her trip with The Rev in Memphis short, so she explained to her chaperon that being the Belle at the Osiris Ball was an opportunity she couldn’t refuse. She sent word that we could expect her to be here the first week of February.

We immediately sprung into action in anticipation of a visit from a celebrity. We called up the troops and made plans to pull out all the stops.